MY HEALTH JOURNEY
Please note I am not giving professional medical advice. Also, this may be a sensitive topic to some readers.
I can remember like yesterday, the time when so much disappointment hit me all at once. It was an intense time mentally. Someone I knew for several years all of sudden just totally changed and it became overwhelming. There were things we talked about for so many years and dreamed about doing together. The time came for us to walk in what we talked about and what… “Jealousy took hold of her heart and my friend could not be honest about it.” Let’s take a moment to discuss, “Moments on the edge.”
Last month, I began a new section on my blog called, “My Health Journey,” that I believed would encourage others. I made a decision to write about a variety of personal health issues that I unfortunately have faced over the years and still some I currently am dealing with.
You can read: “My Health Journey”
It was an incredible moment for me leaving me on the edge. I tried several times to have what I call, “an honest heart to heart” about what was going on between us. Every time I would ask, it felt like I was dealing with a clammed shell. I felt like I didn’t know who this person was anymore and she became a “fake friend” to me. It felt like she wanted all the pomp and circumstance and could not take the fact that she wasn’t getting it.
After several times confronting and wanting to get things right, I had to ask her not to communicate with me anymore. She then went on to, what I call, “explode vomit.” She said things that did not make sense and I had to protect my heart because this person, I felt was like a sister to me, now had become something I did not know. After all that, she then said, “I am sorry ‘IF’ I hurt you and ‘IF’ you don’t understand.”
It was at this time, I was sincerely ‘done.’ I believe some would understand what I mean by, ‘just done.’ I told her I forgave her although, she did not really apologize in my opinion and told her we will not be the same as we were. Things were different now. What amazed me the most, was that she could not accept that and only insisted on trying to call and be a part of life explaining herself without making any sense. She wanted to call and only brag about her life, while I was like, ‘do you realize what really happened?’
I have to admit mentally, this was very hard for me. It took waves of going to God in prayer and making a conscious choice to forgive her. Forgiving myself for allowing this person to have that much space in my heart and not seeing her for who she really was and forgiving her for choosing to not be real. For me, I would have respected her so much more if she would have been honest with me. I so appreciate honesty and integrity. A genuine person is a real person in my opinion.
This mental battle was so real for me but I thank God for the support of family. I felt as though I got a ‘divorce’ from someone (that is the honest way I could explain it). This person was no longer going to be an integral part of my life. I sincerely thank God for His healing in my heart. Forgiveness helped me to release what I could not change. It helped me to accept what happened and taught me to not allow things to grab my heart like that again.
If you have faced some moments on the edge like me and it affected you mentally too I would love to hear your stories. Feelings of disappointment, discouragement and regret can be very overwhelming mentally. I hope this honest story regarding a time that affected my mental health encourages you that you can gain strength to go on and move past what happened.
If you need someone to talk to please make sure you reach out to:
Mental Health America (MHA)
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